Tuesday, October 6, 2009

deep breaths

Well...I haven't blogged all summer. It really was a great summer. Lots of traveling and family time. And of course Iona being a huge highlight...a beautiful, peaceful place indeed. So here I am...discernment committee done as of March, report finally written, and I have an official date to interview with the bishop. And I am so overcome with anxiety that I am, yes it's true, wearing a holter monitor on my body right now!! jeez, I can't believe it. Now, I've always been a bit of a hypochondriac. I often suspect something's physically wrong with me when I'm perfectly healthy. So this latest manifestation is that I think something is wrong with my heart. Of course, nothing is wrong with my heart. But I get so worked up and have been having anxiety attacks. Now, it's not all about meeting with the bishop There are many things going on in my life that can contribute to this recent bout of anxiety. We are moving houses in November. I'm very excited about this, but moving is moving. We're also back to the fall schedule and my husband is gone a lot and is very busy. I also flew in a lot of airplanes this summer and it just makes me tense. So I know it can all add up sometimes. Not to mention this crazy world and I can't bear to watch the news right now. I just seem to be letting the world in and it's stirring me up more than usual. So that's what's going on. Once I have the official news from the doctor that I'm fine, I know some of this anxiety will abate. Cause I've gotten in a cycle of worry right now and that info will break the cycle. But I still have this ol' bishop interview looming. He's just a person. But I've been putting this off for so long that the thought of finally going for it has me in a complete tizzy. Luckily, God has surrounded me with support. And I feel it and am so grateful. But still not sure how I'm going to be able to drive all the way there and actually stay somewhat composed in front of his huge presence and intensity. So. I'm showing up. I'm going to go. God will be with me. And that has to be enough. It is. Just got to get it over with.