The title says it all. I'm tired of discerning. I'm tired of being wishy washy. It's just my personality to never stop weighing all sides...at some point ya just need to take a step. So my discernment committee is done (recently), they're writing their report and I'm taking the next step towards the diocese. It's right. I think I'm just afraid. And I need to do it anyway. I feel good about it. And worse case scenario is painful, but survivable, ya know? I don't plan to begin seminary for at least a year and a half, maybe two and a half, cause of the age of my youngest.
I'm preaching in a few weeks for the first time. Anxious about it. But again, it's a good step and one that just needs to happen. when a door opens, you just have to say yes. But YIKES. I feel this pressure since everyone knows I plan to get ordained. And I know it's not about me. It's about the spirit and the scripture and the moment but still.....kinda terrifying.
My husband is traveling for 3 weeks soon to do some teaching and I'll be home with the girls. Then we'll join him for 21/2 weeks. Then he flies home and I get to go to Iona in Scotland with my best friend. Woooooooo hoooooooooo. I don't really believe this is going to happen. But apparently it is.
I have met recently some role models of mothers with young children being priests. It is inspiring. And I don't feel so alone and confused.
I'm going to be B R A V E.
Other than that, life is good. Puppy is good, though I've been lazy training her. I need to prioritize this cause I want a good doggie! And I enjoy her so much more when she's behaving herself. She's almost 5 months now.