This marks a new attempt at blogging more regularly. For those of you who still check in with me and bother to see if I have a new post, thank you! I hope I can just do this more frequently. It is a gift to me, as is reading all your blogs.
My husband's family has a tradition every New Year's Eve. We hike up a very steep snowy mountain ski run, in full ski attire, carrying our skis. Then, at the top, we gather for a time, catching our breath, gazing up at the stars and down at the valley below, toasting with hot cocoa, then we light flares and ski down the mountain, in a slow S curve. All our children wait back at the condo with the grandparents, cheering us on, watching our orange lights in the distance snake their way down the mountain. I love this tradition even though it nearly kills me every year. It is hard work. But as I race into the darkness with my family, holding scary flares, feeling the cold air rush against my face, I can't think of a better metaphor for leaping into the new year...with all its unknowns, with all its gravitational pulls, with its thrills and disasters, I want to throw caution away and just go for it. I'm not one for New Year's resolutions, but I do love this embodied metaphor we do every December 31st.
And for some reason, every January, things happen in my life. Good things. Doors always seem to open in January. Not sure why. So now I am faced with decisions...all good ones, but not easy ones. My church is offering me roles in leadership in two categories: leader of worship or leader of Christian formation. This is a tough one. But what makes it even tougher, is that it's a 4 year commitment. I have NO IDEA if I'll even be living in this city in 4 years. I probably will be. But I may be enrolled in seminary, in which case this would be way too much to take on. But I may not be enrolled, in which case it would be a shame to say no. I could say yes with the possibility of having to leave the role mid-way, but I don't like making decisions that way. I like being reliable and taking commitments seriously. Husband is very nervous about all this. He doesn't want me to get over-committed, when my kids are still so little. I'm going to have to pray. And talk to people. This would be very hard to say no to. But if I did say no, it would be more of a commitment towards starting seminary sooner than later. Why am I in such a hurry to start seminary? I want to be young when I get ordained. At this rate, I actually won't be young. I'll be young-ish. But it could take me 8 years to complete the degree in the part-time commuter program. When I really think about it, it makes me want to start since it's going to take so long to complete. So...prayers needed for discernment!
Happy New Year. Happy rushing into the wind. Happy rushing into the moment.
4 comments:
well, follow your greatest passion, whether Christian Formation or Worship...or something else...don't worry quite so much about the future, a lot can change in one day, let alone in 4 years. (I suspect that "requirement" is really about an attempt at stablizing leadership, generally speaking... but they would not have invited you at this time if they anticipated you being in that position for four years - I suspect they are offering you an opportunity to grow into ministry and help aid in your discerning process)....(does that make sense?)....
sounds like your new years eve tradition is a blast....
Wishing you the best, knowing that God is with you wherever you go, whatever you choose.
You know I think it's kind of like going down the mountain...you really don't know when you take off at the top how the going down will be...but you put on your skis, light your torch, and go off in faith that the journey will carry you forward. Blessings in the discernment. Glad you are blogging again!
That has to be the coolest new year's traditions I have ever heard!
Prayers for discernment. My two cents, pay very close attention to what those closest to you are saying.
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