Into the Wilderness

Well it's Ash Wednesday. Appropriate somehow that I feel lost today. But it's okay. I can tell its just my usual ebb and flow. I actually love Lent and this year I'm going to give up alcohol (gotten a little too used to having a glass of wine every night) and I'm adding a centering prayer practice of 20 minutes a day.

My low-grade (or not so low) anxiety lately has been about an upcoming speaking engagement. Husband and I were asked to speak way back in October. At that time, March seemed so far off, we both said, "Sure!" But now...panic! It's in front of an entire student body of college students and I just feel so lost as to what to share with them. We get to plan the 25 minutes however we want to. I just wish I felt more secure and less unsure of everything. But I KNOW this is a wonderful place from which to speak to college students. To get up there and just be unsure and talk from that place. But that is HARD for me, especially right now when I'm in discernment. But it's really just my ego that is causing this stress. There will be lots of faculty that know me and my husband and it's them I'm afraid of. silly. AND if I'm at all truthful I'll have to talk a little bit about considering becoming an Episcopal priest which feels like coming out of the closet. And not sure I'm ready to yet. I'll talk a bit about wrestling with the angel of vocation. I'll talk a bit about the qualities of "wilderness", good and bad. Speak from my own...maybe talk a bit about Jesus'. Talk about what I want to be when I grow up and that we probably never stop asking that question, because we're constantly growing up. I'll talk a little about listening to your life and tell a little about my story and Husband's and where it has brought us this far. I don't know...

So that's where I am today.
Blessings to all of you as you journey into Lent,
me